Raising little gentleman

As a mum of boys my one goal is raising them to be kind, gentle and caring little men. I don't want them to ever treat others like rubbish, I don't want them to ever be bullies and I don't want them to ever treat women like they are beneath them.

I honestly believe it's our job as their parents to shape and guide them into being the best possible version of themselves they can be. Personally I want my boys to be able to feel like they can truly express their emotions, whether that be by crying, by telling me they feel sad or even asking for a hug.

I never want them to feel like it's not 'manly' enough to express these emotions or to feel like they have to be strong by not showing them at all. Xavier is a very gentle soul, he always has been. He's never been a 'fighter' as such; this used to worry me because I was worried he'd get pushed over as he grew older and attended school. But now I am proud that he is like this because I know it's such a great attribute to have, to be kind to others and sensitive to his feelings.

That doesn't go without saying he has also grown abit more of a backbone. He will let you know if you've pushed his buttons a little too far, he'll let you know when he's angry or if you've hurt his feelings. This is also ok with me because he is expressing how he is feeling emotionally rather than bottling it all up and exploding out in physical anger. 

I hope for Noah to be just as sensitive and gentle as Xavier is, I'll continue to smother my boys with love. I'll continue to let them know to express emotions to me, to their friends and to their family. Because I want them to be kind, caring and respectful little gentleman who tell others how much they love and appreciate them.

3 months of Noah

        

Noah hit the 3 month old milestone a week or two back and I can whole heartily say how sad I feel that my youngest is already growing so fast. I'm not sure if it's felt faster due to looking after his big brother too or just that I'm soaking in all the time I have whilst he is still so little. Because he has big brothers and a cousin to watch all the time he has done things SO much faster than Xavier did. He smiled at 6 weeks (not just wind smiles), slept through the night from about 2-3 weeks old (sorry for the sleep deprived zombie mums who are reading this and wanting to punch me in the face; I'd want to punch me to because I've been a zombie mum before too!!).

He rolled from tummy to back around 7 weeks old, starting chatting from 6 weeks and has now started to giggle at 12-13 weeks old. He is a little ray of sunshine and I can't imagine life before having him around all of us. This isn't to say we haven't had our hard times with him though, he used (key point here) sleep heaps during the day as well as night. Now that he is more alert that has changed to 2-3 stints of 30-45 minutes 'naps' which isn't fun at all because I can hardly get anything done! He has been cluster feeding for about 2 weeks now. Which has been hard on both Xav and myself as Xavy gets stuck waiting around for my full attention. But thankfully enough he is really understanding and pretty patient (not always he is only 4 years old haha!!).

I started him self settling from about 2-3 weeks old in his bassinet so he settles really well to sleep as I made the mistake of not doing that with Xavier until about 5 months old. Some people beg to differ on this subject whether it's a good thing to do but I really believe it helps them become more confident. I never let him cry it out as that's a method I don't personally like for my children. Once you learn the difference between all the cry's a baby can do it makes self settling alot easier. I still get my cuddle time whilst I'm feeding him so I don't feel like I'm missing out on that precious time at all. I've been exclusively breastfeeding Noah now for 3 1/2 months and I'm really hoping to make it to 12 months of feeding. We have overcome alot of hurdles on our feeding journey so far so for that I am already proud as punch. 

I honestly thought it would be easier the second time around with a new baby but I now realize it doesn't matter how many babies you have, they will all be different and test you in different ways. Parenting never gets easier, you will always doubt yourself and your own abilities as a parent. You'll always feel guilty over something you do or something you don't. I found the first week of having Noah the hardest on me because I was away from Xavier so much in that week. I cried alot, told myself I was a bad mother because I couldn't be with both of children due to Noah being in NICU and felt worried that it could be like this forever. I look back on that time as not a special time but I really horrible moment in my life because at that point I truly felt like it was one of the lowest parts of my life. As I felt so guilty that I wasn't spending the whole day with Xavier for his birthday and really didn't enjoy being out of control of a situation.

Once we were home and settled into our normal routine I felt much calmer, much more in control and finally felt less anxiety. Unfortunately I was still getting anxiety and feeling a sense of loss in my own environment, at the time I had no idea why I felt like this. Why was I feeling like this? I asked myself that daily until I just put it down to post par tum depression. I talked to my health nurse about it and she said it definitely wasn't post par tum depression but a condition called DMER. I had never ever heard about this and did some research. Reading all this information made me feel some what comforted like I wasn't a bad mother for being nervous, anxious and worried to feed my baby. DMER is a condition in which certain hormones that allow a 'let down' of milk to come can cause certain emotions to arise. Some pretty mild and some very high hormones, these are subdivided into 3 different categories; Mild, moderate and severe. I was put in the moderate range so I didn't need to be medicated for the condition I've just had to learn to deal with it better with certain strategies.

 The strategies I've mainly used to help have been; getting organized, a clean and clutter free space, having a drink or snack at arms reach and either watching netflix or using my phone to keep myself busy. These strategies have helped alot but mainly it's time that helps this condition. I have found that it has gotten better as Noah has gotten older but I still do get these sudden anxiety and sick to my  stomach feelings. They do say this condition is rare but the more research I've done the more it has shown how many breastfeeding mothers have it and don't realize they do which then leads to alot of mothers giving up on breastfeeding simply because they can not cope with the emotions they are having with breastfeeding. If I had gotten this as a first time mum I probably would have given up also because at the end of the day a happy mother makes a happy baby whether that be breast or bottle. I wanted to breastfeed Noah so I have persisted through it all and I'm thankful I have been able to continue feeding him. 

Despite the negatives the positives have far outweighed all the down moments I've had. I've loved watching Xavier become a big brother, watching how caring and helpful he is makes me proud to be his mum. I've loved being a mum of two and I know how lucky I am every single day that I've been given these beautiful boys to raise as gentlemen and help them flourish into whatever and wherever life takes them. 

It's a boy!

I'm super slack with blogging currently; mainly because I'm busy being a mum to 2 kids now.

Thought I'd share my birth story (minus the gory details) because nobody wants to know about that. I was induced at 38 weeks because the way our baby was measuring up in the last few weeks they didn't want me popping out a whopper baby. When I went into hospital I was already 2cm and had been that way for 2 weeks so I was hoping the whole labour would go pretty quickly. I was wrong, again my body failed me (by my standards anyway). I spent all night having contractions only for them to check me and tell me I hadn't dilated and chances were I'd end up with a C- Section.

Just as they predicted that my body decided to start dilating and I got to 4cm then realized how much it was starting to hurt and how much worse it was going to get. This time around I knew I wanted the drugs, give me all the drugs I thought this time so I could not be so tired and enjoy meeting our little baby. Gas was on and Epidural was put in, I was vomiting the entire time I was in labour so I didn't eat and all I could stomach was water which also came up too. As soon as the epidural was put in I slept from 4cm - 9cm only waking occasionally to be sick. I started getting some pretty bad back pain from around 7cm which never really went away even when the epidural was turned up. I was told I was finally 10cm so it was time to get this baby out! I'm not entirely sure how long I pushed for but baby just wasn't coming out! I was starting to get exhausted; the doctor came in and told me I was still in fact 9cm not 10cm. He told us that baby was starting to get tired and that I probably wouldn't move past 9cm. So I was then sent off with Will to have a C-Section, finally we could meet our baby!! Epidural was pulled out and a spinal was put in due to the epidural wearing off whilst I was in labour. I honestly didn't feel a thing and didn't even know they were cutting me until they put our baby over the sheet so we could see him. There he was outside the womb finally!!! Our little baby boy, a head full of dark hair, weighing 7 pound (something) and 52cm long. Noah Avery Rice. The last 8 weeks with him has been amazing and I couldn't imagine our lives without him now. I'll share some more photo's soon and write a little about how he's been going since he has been born.

My last pregnancy journey

It's taken me awhile to write on here again, but I know I always cherish looking back on the things I've written on my blog as it's kind of like an online diary for myself. Knowing this is my last pregnancy ever I want to be able to look back and remember all the good and bad moments I had growing this baby. 

I'm now in the third and final trimester, 32 weeks (+ a few days) currently in fact. Some days I feel like it's taken me awhile to get near the end but for the most part I feel like it has gone pretty darn quick. Our baby has been growing great and I haven't had any worries or scares from this baby since early days which has made our life a lot easier. Over the last few weeks I've managed to clean all the baby clothes, put together a little corner for the baby in our room, had a baby shower and even started to pack my hospital bag slowly. 

 I have felt pretty good this pregnancy and feel a lot more energized than what I did with Xavier. Don't get me wrong, pregnancy is still difficult and I still have my bad days (just ask Will). But I really can't complain ( again Will is probably reading this rolling his eyes because I do complain sometimes). Unfortunately I did get gestational diabetes again this pregnancy just as I did with Xavier, it was a hard thing to swallow at first. I felt defeated by my body for getting it back again but it's just something you can't control, only your hormones can. So I'm back on the finger pricking train again and testing myself 4 times a day, plus being strict on what carb portions I'm putting into my body.

At first I struggled with this as eating 30g at each main meal and 15g at each snack between main meals was hard. I still have plenty of days now where I struggle with this when I'm feeling hungry or just want a naughty treat. But I can say at the end of the day this baby will be worth all those moments I'm feeling like I want to just give up and eat badly. No insulin as far has been required and I should find out at my next ob appointment whether induction will or won't happen. I put the strict carb portioning down to the fact that I haven't completely blown out this pregnancy and I'm also exercising a whole lot more than what I did when I was pregnant with Xavier. I've also learnt to accept my changing body this time, I'm growing a baby and that's not always an easy task. I know I can bounce back after the baby is born but having a healthy mindset of accepting the way your body is growing a baby is the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby.

I have been having growth scans every 4 weeks to monitor how our baby has been growing and thankfully he or she has been growing fantastically. So much so that he or she is measuring a week ahead of their current gestation. We found out at our last scan that he or she has hair already (which was a surprise because Xavier had none at all).  So now I'm expecting to have a baby with brown hair this time and a button nose just like both our boys already do. We are feeling nervous and excited to be having another gremlin around the house and even more excited to FINALLY found out if it's another boy or a little girl joining our family soon. I can say I'm SO glad we didn't find out and I suggest to anyone who is expecting to do the same as it makes the whole experience way more exciting.

Raising a little boy

It's been a crazy 3 1/2 years with this little guy in my life. I always wanted a little girl and just couldn't imagine ever being a mum to a little boy. In fact the whole thought of having a boy terrified me! I have 3 brothers and a sister so I knew what I was in for (sorta) if I was to in fact have a boy. Suddenly I was in actual fact having a boy and I had 18 weeks to get myself ready for that. I read all the baby books, went through long lists of boys names and found myself sadly putting down the pink cutesy dress and swapping them for blue overalls. 38 weeks arrived and out popped a little boy and all the daunting feelings I had about having a boy went away because he was the cutest thing I'd ever laid eyes on. My bond was instant and then I couldn't imagine what life would be like if he was actually a she. As the years have gone by (mighty quickly I'll add!!) I've gotten used to buying cars and not being phased by the word 'doodle'. No amount of reading could possibly sum up what it's like to raise a little boy, just as I'm sure it would be for a girl as well. I can't imagine buying dresses and headbands or even trading in blue for some pink. The only thing I can think of to sum up what it's like to have a boy is get ready to never ever be grossed out when your little boy is sitting on the couch with his hands down his pants having a grab of his boy parts and then consuming food afterwards. Now I'm 20 weeks pregnant, no clue as to what the gender of this baby is going to be. But if it pops out with a doodle we're ready to raise a family of boys and I'm ready to be fully outnumbered in our household. If it's a girl... that's a whole new ball game of things to learn. Either way I still have to push this baby out and fml if it's a labour like Xavier's!

We're having a baby!

That's right! The secret is out! There's going to be another little one in our lives in 2017.

We found out our wonderful news when I was just 3 weeks pregnant and I can't believe how fast the time has already gone. I'm now nearly 16 weeks pregnant and happy to say all the ultrasounds we have had have always been positive and indicate we have a really healthy baby growing in my belly. 

The first trimester for me was filled with lots of different emotions; happiness, excited, nervous, anxious. The negative emotions I was having were only coming from a place of fear, fear of something happening to our little baby and fear of bad news. Every single cramp I had I got worried, when I got food poisoning at 7 weeks I was worried and just in general I was worried that something bad could happen. Thankfully our 12 week ultrasound was very detailed and everything was checked to make sure our baby had everything they needed to survive outside the womb when the arrival came. I will also continue to have lots and lots of growth scans during my pregnancy and so far have had 5 already. This time around my morning sickness has actually only really been in the morning (unlike Xav which was morning and night, basically all day!). The only time it was really intense was about 5-7 weeks and other than that it was really only if I didn't eat straight away. By week 10 I could go a couple of hours without eating before starting to feel unwell. The only thing I will fault this time around is the hormone headaches that I still currently get and am hoping they subside also. I went through a 'I hate carrots' stage again and hated the smell of meat, I've been craving smiths original crinkle cut potato chips (salt for days!) and green juices. My pants no longer fit and I'm now rocking maternity jeans (care of my beautiful partner for buying them for me) which btw are absolutely amazing and I don't know how I didn't have them when I was pregnant with Xavier. Nearly 16 weeks down and roughly about 22-24 weeks to go until we meet this little angel and find out whether our boys will be joined by another brother or a little sister. We all can't wait for this little surprise!  

Xavier turned 3.. 5 months ago!

I have taken a huge break from blogging of late because we've just had so much going on in our lives this year. I started school again because I decided to pursue a different career path and that alone has taken up majority of time. School, work, Xavier starting daycare this year and I rejoined the gym so I just crash and burn when I get home. But I realized I hadn't shared any of Xavier's 3rd birthday on my blog and that happened in April (laziest person ever) so tonight I'm jumping back on it so to speak.

Xavier went through a stage of being completely obsessed with Mickey mouse clubhouse and anything really Mickey mouse related (thanks mum!). So we themed his party around that which is hilarious now because he couldn't give two hoots about Mickey mouse nowadays and I can't say I'm complaining about the lack of 'hot diggity dog' playing in my household either.  I'm one of those mum's that plans there child's party months in advance and think I'm going really good with it all until the actual day then when I'm cooking and setting things up I have a flippin meltdown that would send anyone running from me! 

I say every year after the party that I'll never flippin do that again and yet I still do.... every year (so far anyway). But I see how much Xavier loves having a party with all his friends and family around and it makes all the money I spent on over priced party decorations worth it or I just tell myself that to make me feel like a good mum. Here's some photo's of Xav's birthday and birthday party that he probably won't remember when he's older anyways but still look cute.