The gro company

I've recently collabrated with The gro company to show you guys how easy and great a couple of the new and most popular products are. I'll go into a little about what the product does and how we used it in our everyday life.

Ollie the owl; Ollie is a sleep sound machine (white noise). Ollie makes 4 different sleep sounds, 3 different volumes, a light up belly and turns himself back on if your baby wakes.
I love how Ollie is gender neutral so it makes it easy to put him into a nursery. I've found our experience so far with Ollie really well. He has helped put our little Noah to sleep and for me that is a big tick of approval. White noise is a 'must have' for any new parent, i've used it with Noah right from the start.

The gro clock; most of you would know The gro company from the popular gro clock. I've been using this with Xavier and he has loved it. Xavier is a great sleeper, I never have to worry about him going to bed. However there is times where Xavier likes my day to start early. Really super duper early and I'm not a fan of starting my day anytime before 6:30am. So I set the time for 6:30am and explained to him he couldn't get up until the sun came up. That if he sees a moon it is not time to get up just yet. So far, so good! He has enjoyed the concept and it doubled as a nightlight whilst he was going down to sleep. A great product if you have a toddler or child that perhaps may like you starting your day extra early too!

Lastly the new Groegg2; this little device is a room temperature gage. It helps take a little of the stress off when it comes to knowing what to dress your baby/toddler in, what tog sleepbag they need (another item i'd higher suggest to a new parent) and whether you may need to warm or cool down the room. Groegg2 helps you to create a safe sleep space for your baby and also doubles as a nightlight. The actual eggshell itself changes colours to allow you to choose what tog sleepbag to use. I've found the groegg2 super easy to use, all you have to do is plug the usb into a port and pop it on a shelf or bedside table. It's also gender neutral and just blends into a nursery. 

Thanks to The gro company i'm currently doing a giveaway to celebrate the new Groegg2! Head on over to my Instagram page (@hannahpurd) to find out the details. Also head to (@thegrocompanyaus) and the website linked www.thegrocompany.com.au to buy any of these products plus more.

Remembering our babies

October 15th. This day to most would mean nothing, just another day. For some this day now signifies a huge event or time in their lives. I am in fact one of those few people, why you ask am I one?
3 years ago I lost a baby boy who we named Flynn Edward. I have a post about why etc. on my blog. He is in fact my second born child and I am a mum to 3 boys (biologically). 

Thanks to an amazing lady Maria Bond I have a day to share with other parents who have experienced the loss of a child. This day is called 'pregnancy and infant loss rememberance day' in Tasmania.
A day I can cry, talk and mourn with other parents who have experienced the same crippling emotions I too have experienced.
On this day I remember all the raw emotions I felt and still do feel now. It is hard to explain the emotions, all I can do is share some of the moments I do remember. Sorry in advance if this effects you or if you don't want to read anything remotely negative. I completely understand! 

I remember crying so much whilst I sat on the cold bathroom floor right next to the toilet trying to stop vomitting.
I remember putting on a front whilst Xavier was awake so he couldn't see my pain I was feeling.
I remember labouring for hours on end in the most traumatic pain i'd experienced because these kind of labours aren't your normal type ones.
I remember touching his cold fragile skin in his crib.
I remember the strange feeling I felt leaving my baby in the hospital.
I remember organising his funeral and looking at tiny coffins wondering why this cruel thing had happened to me.
I remember thinking how beautiful the flowers people had bought for us were on my bench but also wanted to put them in the bin because they reminded me of why I was numb.
I remember packing up the nursery I had started to put together.
I remember having to tell people over facebook why I was no longer having a gender reveal.
I remember my breasts leaking and being in pain knowing I could only express enough to take away the pressure.
I remember my hair falling out for months and the reminder it gave me that I did lose my baby.
I remember my first social outting after losing him.
I remember looking down at my new stretch marks and knowing I had a constant reminder that I carried this little boy for so many months.
These are just some of the negative emotions I felt and I truely wish I could say that you deal with it fine. You don't you just learn to deal with it better, one baby step at a time. But on a positive note I am so amazed that Maria has worked so hard to get this day recognised for all of us in Tasmania. Maria continues every year to support families with this difficult time. Thankyou SO much Maria. You truely inspire me.

Raising little gentleman

As a mum of boys my one goal is raising them to be kind, gentle and caring little men. I don't want them to ever treat others like rubbish, I don't want them to ever be bullies and I don't want them to ever treat women like they are beneath them.

I honestly believe it's our job as their parents to shape and guide them into being the best possible version of themselves they can be. Personally I want my boys to be able to feel like they can truly express their emotions, whether that be by crying, by telling me they feel sad or even asking for a hug.

I never want them to feel like it's not 'manly' enough to express these emotions or to feel like they have to be strong by not showing them at all. Xavier is a very gentle soul, he always has been. He's never been a 'fighter' as such; this used to worry me because I was worried he'd get pushed over as he grew older and attended school. But now I am proud that he is like this because I know it's such a great attribute to have, to be kind to others and sensitive to his feelings.

That doesn't go without saying he has also grown abit more of a backbone. He will let you know if you've pushed his buttons a little too far, he'll let you know when he's angry or if you've hurt his feelings. This is also ok with me because he is expressing how he is feeling emotionally rather than bottling it all up and exploding out in physical anger. 

I hope for Noah to be just as sensitive and gentle as Xavier is, I'll continue to smother my boys with love. I'll continue to let them know to express emotions to me, to their friends and to their family. Because I want them to be kind, caring and respectful little gentleman who tell others how much they love and appreciate them.

3 months of Noah

        

Noah hit the 3 month old milestone a week or two back and I can whole heartily say how sad I feel that my youngest is already growing so fast. I'm not sure if it's felt faster due to looking after his big brother too or just that I'm soaking in all the time I have whilst he is still so little. Because he has big brothers and a cousin to watch all the time he has done things SO much faster than Xavier did. He smiled at 6 weeks (not just wind smiles), slept through the night from about 2-3 weeks old (sorry for the sleep deprived zombie mums who are reading this and wanting to punch me in the face; I'd want to punch me to because I've been a zombie mum before too!!).

He rolled from tummy to back around 7 weeks old, starting chatting from 6 weeks and has now started to giggle at 12-13 weeks old. He is a little ray of sunshine and I can't imagine life before having him around all of us. This isn't to say we haven't had our hard times with him though, he used (key point here) sleep heaps during the day as well as night. Now that he is more alert that has changed to 2-3 stints of 30-45 minutes 'naps' which isn't fun at all because I can hardly get anything done! He has been cluster feeding for about 2 weeks now. Which has been hard on both Xav and myself as Xavy gets stuck waiting around for my full attention. But thankfully enough he is really understanding and pretty patient (not always he is only 4 years old haha!!).

I started him self settling from about 2-3 weeks old in his bassinet so he settles really well to sleep as I made the mistake of not doing that with Xavier until about 5 months old. Some people beg to differ on this subject whether it's a good thing to do but I really believe it helps them become more confident. I never let him cry it out as that's a method I don't personally like for my children. Once you learn the difference between all the cry's a baby can do it makes self settling alot easier. I still get my cuddle time whilst I'm feeding him so I don't feel like I'm missing out on that precious time at all. I've been exclusively breastfeeding Noah now for 3 1/2 months and I'm really hoping to make it to 12 months of feeding. We have overcome alot of hurdles on our feeding journey so far so for that I am already proud as punch. 

I honestly thought it would be easier the second time around with a new baby but I now realize it doesn't matter how many babies you have, they will all be different and test you in different ways. Parenting never gets easier, you will always doubt yourself and your own abilities as a parent. You'll always feel guilty over something you do or something you don't. I found the first week of having Noah the hardest on me because I was away from Xavier so much in that week. I cried alot, told myself I was a bad mother because I couldn't be with both of children due to Noah being in NICU and felt worried that it could be like this forever. I look back on that time as not a special time but I really horrible moment in my life because at that point I truly felt like it was one of the lowest parts of my life. As I felt so guilty that I wasn't spending the whole day with Xavier for his birthday and really didn't enjoy being out of control of a situation.

Once we were home and settled into our normal routine I felt much calmer, much more in control and finally felt less anxiety. Unfortunately I was still getting anxiety and feeling a sense of loss in my own environment, at the time I had no idea why I felt like this. Why was I feeling like this? I asked myself that daily until I just put it down to post par tum depression. I talked to my health nurse about it and she said it definitely wasn't post par tum depression but a condition called DMER. I had never ever heard about this and did some research. Reading all this information made me feel some what comforted like I wasn't a bad mother for being nervous, anxious and worried to feed my baby. DMER is a condition in which certain hormones that allow a 'let down' of milk to come can cause certain emotions to arise. Some pretty mild and some very high hormones, these are subdivided into 3 different categories; Mild, moderate and severe. I was put in the moderate range so I didn't need to be medicated for the condition I've just had to learn to deal with it better with certain strategies.

 The strategies I've mainly used to help have been; getting organized, a clean and clutter free space, having a drink or snack at arms reach and either watching netflix or using my phone to keep myself busy. These strategies have helped alot but mainly it's time that helps this condition. I have found that it has gotten better as Noah has gotten older but I still do get these sudden anxiety and sick to my  stomach feelings. They do say this condition is rare but the more research I've done the more it has shown how many breastfeeding mothers have it and don't realize they do which then leads to alot of mothers giving up on breastfeeding simply because they can not cope with the emotions they are having with breastfeeding. If I had gotten this as a first time mum I probably would have given up also because at the end of the day a happy mother makes a happy baby whether that be breast or bottle. I wanted to breastfeed Noah so I have persisted through it all and I'm thankful I have been able to continue feeding him. 

Despite the negatives the positives have far outweighed all the down moments I've had. I've loved watching Xavier become a big brother, watching how caring and helpful he is makes me proud to be his mum. I've loved being a mum of two and I know how lucky I am every single day that I've been given these beautiful boys to raise as gentlemen and help them flourish into whatever and wherever life takes them. 

It's a boy!

I'm super slack with blogging currently; mainly because I'm busy being a mum to 2 kids now.

Thought I'd share my birth story (minus the gory details) because nobody wants to know about that. I was induced at 38 weeks because the way our baby was measuring up in the last few weeks they didn't want me popping out a whopper baby. When I went into hospital I was already 2cm and had been that way for 2 weeks so I was hoping the whole labour would go pretty quickly. I was wrong, again my body failed me (by my standards anyway). I spent all night having contractions only for them to check me and tell me I hadn't dilated and chances were I'd end up with a C- Section.

Just as they predicted that my body decided to start dilating and I got to 4cm then realized how much it was starting to hurt and how much worse it was going to get. This time around I knew I wanted the drugs, give me all the drugs I thought this time so I could not be so tired and enjoy meeting our little baby. Gas was on and Epidural was put in, I was vomiting the entire time I was in labour so I didn't eat and all I could stomach was water which also came up too. As soon as the epidural was put in I slept from 4cm - 9cm only waking occasionally to be sick. I started getting some pretty bad back pain from around 7cm which never really went away even when the epidural was turned up. I was told I was finally 10cm so it was time to get this baby out! I'm not entirely sure how long I pushed for but baby just wasn't coming out! I was starting to get exhausted; the doctor came in and told me I was still in fact 9cm not 10cm. He told us that baby was starting to get tired and that I probably wouldn't move past 9cm. So I was then sent off with Will to have a C-Section, finally we could meet our baby!! Epidural was pulled out and a spinal was put in due to the epidural wearing off whilst I was in labour. I honestly didn't feel a thing and didn't even know they were cutting me until they put our baby over the sheet so we could see him. There he was outside the womb finally!!! Our little baby boy, a head full of dark hair, weighing 7 pound (something) and 52cm long. Noah Avery Rice. The last 8 weeks with him has been amazing and I couldn't imagine our lives without him now. I'll share some more photo's soon and write a little about how he's been going since he has been born.

My last pregnancy journey

It's taken me awhile to write on here again, but I know I always cherish looking back on the things I've written on my blog as it's kind of like an online diary for myself. Knowing this is my last pregnancy ever I want to be able to look back and remember all the good and bad moments I had growing this baby. 

I'm now in the third and final trimester, 32 weeks (+ a few days) currently in fact. Some days I feel like it's taken me awhile to get near the end but for the most part I feel like it has gone pretty darn quick. Our baby has been growing great and I haven't had any worries or scares from this baby since early days which has made our life a lot easier. Over the last few weeks I've managed to clean all the baby clothes, put together a little corner for the baby in our room, had a baby shower and even started to pack my hospital bag slowly. 

 I have felt pretty good this pregnancy and feel a lot more energized than what I did with Xavier. Don't get me wrong, pregnancy is still difficult and I still have my bad days (just ask Will). But I really can't complain ( again Will is probably reading this rolling his eyes because I do complain sometimes). Unfortunately I did get gestational diabetes again this pregnancy just as I did with Xavier, it was a hard thing to swallow at first. I felt defeated by my body for getting it back again but it's just something you can't control, only your hormones can. So I'm back on the finger pricking train again and testing myself 4 times a day, plus being strict on what carb portions I'm putting into my body.

At first I struggled with this as eating 30g at each main meal and 15g at each snack between main meals was hard. I still have plenty of days now where I struggle with this when I'm feeling hungry or just want a naughty treat. But I can say at the end of the day this baby will be worth all those moments I'm feeling like I want to just give up and eat badly. No insulin as far has been required and I should find out at my next ob appointment whether induction will or won't happen. I put the strict carb portioning down to the fact that I haven't completely blown out this pregnancy and I'm also exercising a whole lot more than what I did when I was pregnant with Xavier. I've also learnt to accept my changing body this time, I'm growing a baby and that's not always an easy task. I know I can bounce back after the baby is born but having a healthy mindset of accepting the way your body is growing a baby is the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby.

I have been having growth scans every 4 weeks to monitor how our baby has been growing and thankfully he or she has been growing fantastically. So much so that he or she is measuring a week ahead of their current gestation. We found out at our last scan that he or she has hair already (which was a surprise because Xavier had none at all).  So now I'm expecting to have a baby with brown hair this time and a button nose just like both our boys already do. We are feeling nervous and excited to be having another gremlin around the house and even more excited to FINALLY found out if it's another boy or a little girl joining our family soon. I can say I'm SO glad we didn't find out and I suggest to anyone who is expecting to do the same as it makes the whole experience way more exciting.

Raising a little boy

It's been a crazy 3 1/2 years with this little guy in my life. I always wanted a little girl and just couldn't imagine ever being a mum to a little boy. In fact the whole thought of having a boy terrified me! I have 3 brothers and a sister so I knew what I was in for (sorta) if I was to in fact have a boy. Suddenly I was in actual fact having a boy and I had 18 weeks to get myself ready for that. I read all the baby books, went through long lists of boys names and found myself sadly putting down the pink cutesy dress and swapping them for blue overalls. 38 weeks arrived and out popped a little boy and all the daunting feelings I had about having a boy went away because he was the cutest thing I'd ever laid eyes on. My bond was instant and then I couldn't imagine what life would be like if he was actually a she. As the years have gone by (mighty quickly I'll add!!) I've gotten used to buying cars and not being phased by the word 'doodle'. No amount of reading could possibly sum up what it's like to raise a little boy, just as I'm sure it would be for a girl as well. I can't imagine buying dresses and headbands or even trading in blue for some pink. The only thing I can think of to sum up what it's like to have a boy is get ready to never ever be grossed out when your little boy is sitting on the couch with his hands down his pants having a grab of his boy parts and then consuming food afterwards. Now I'm 20 weeks pregnant, no clue as to what the gender of this baby is going to be. But if it pops out with a doodle we're ready to raise a family of boys and I'm ready to be fully outnumbered in our household. If it's a girl... that's a whole new ball game of things to learn. Either way I still have to push this baby out and fml if it's a labour like Xavier's!