10 things to live by when you're a toddler..

10 things to live by when you’re a toddler…

 1)    Make sure you always make things more difficult for your parents, kick up a fuss about your shirt, the way they’re tying up your shoelaces or the food they’ve put in front of you to eat. 

2)   While we’re on the subject of eating, NEVER eat anything more than 2 days in a row, make your parents think you love a certain type of food, eat it fast! Make sure you even finish the whole plate then tell them you don’t like it anymore and refuse to never ever eat it again.

 3)   Don’t act like you are a well behaved child, make sure you say no to everything and don’t be afraid to chuck yourself on the floor in the supermarket or even try asking for a toy car over and over until you get the car because trust me you’ll get the car with enough crying involved.

 4)    Hold your bladder until the most inconvenient time, then half way through grocery shopping tell your parents you need to go to the toilet, make it a sudden request that needs attending to immediately. Your parents MUST drop everything, once you’ve arrived in the toilet pretend to go because you didn’t really need to wee at all you just got sick of grocery shopping. Any excuse is a good excuse when your two years old.

 5)   If your asked to do something make sure you repeat what you were asked in a sarcastic voice until they laugh, they’ll soon forget what they were asking you because now your being funny. 

6)   Always choose your own clothing and if you aren’t allowed to wear gumboots in the bath make sure they know your upset about it with another tantrum, after about 10 minutes they wear down and you get away with it and if you don’t then make sure your next tantrum is worse than the last one. 

7) Nothing like a public place to shout out that you need to use your bowels, that mummy has a big bottom, do a big burp or even for giggles put your hands down your pants and shout out im touching my doodle. It’s a real crowd pleaser! Except for my parents because they’re the fun police.

 8)  So you love a certain tv show or movie? How about you watch that bad boy over and over, demand that you have to watch it and if the answer is no you know what to do, that’s right! Another tantrum! 

9)  If your parents need a break and put you down for a nap NEVER sleep more than an hour, if they seem in a rush to go somewhere that’s when you nap hard 2-3 hours should do the trick! 

10)  So your parents are ignoring you, they’ve had enough of the tantrums and they’ve stop listening to you. This is when you yell out very loud, why are you not talking to me?!? What are your ears for?!? This is the best way to get a reaction so they know your still here, still having a solid tantrum.

a lazy thursday

Today started like any other day, early. For some reason today I'm lacking any energy or motivation and I could basically hibernate like a bear for months and probably still feel tired when I woke.

We've had a really lazy day, hot chocolates and toast for breakfast followed by a HUGE 3 hour nap on Xavier's behalf, I managed to sneak in a quick 30 minute nap and shower, the rest of the time I'm not going to lie I sat on the couch and watched trash tv while looking over at my killer folding pile hoping it would fold itself. Probably explains why my behind is growing to the size of Montana and why the zipper on my jeans apparently no longer wants to do up. I say this while dreaming of the chocolate frappe I drank (and regretted afterwards may I add!) late the other night. Xavier woke and now he's had a bath, had some food and seems to be in a better mood then what he was like before he had his nap, picture the gremlins when they turned naughty, that's Xavier when he's tired. While I'm on the subject of gremlin, what is it with boys and their private parts, nobody warned me how intrigued and abundantly funny it is to have their hands down their pants all the time. Apparently its even funny to put toy cars, really anything that can fit inside his underwear and tell me its 'hiding', so gross! Picking his nose is also a favorite as well as letting go of any sort of tummy gas he has while we're playing on the floor and suddenly its a great time to sit near my face. I don't think any sort of warning or prior information on how having a boy would really change my way of life would have helped. Its crazy but I love my little squashy boy more than chocolate frappe's and boy do I love those!

Lately

 Things have progressed for us in a fast rate as of lately, Xavier is now fully toilet trained and I personally feel like a super mum and total bad ass for achieving that hefty task although I'm still not a huge fan of having to wipe his behind region (and never will be!). His speech has also progressed quite quickly along with his attitude, threenager is definately a thing, people don't joke about these sort of things and it's 100% down right mind boggling.

Shutting himself in his room when he decides to be in a huff about well anything he decides to at the time really, could be because his socks are red and not blue or could even be that we're not going to the play center. The play center tantrum happens pretty regularly nowadays along with the fussiness of food. So basically I've just made having a toddler sound like a hard task at hand because yep it sure is! But I wouldn't change it for the world and I know all these things are temporary (hopefully that goes along with my insanity from watching too many toons a day). Along with all the tantrums, fussiness and big mess comes along moments of pure bliss which make the hard times a little less dysfunctional. Xavier is an absolute crack up, he makes me laugh very regularly and sometimes I cant get over how smart he is becoming. He does so many things that make me smile like making beds for his rabby or making pretend cakes from his pretend oven for me, all of these things contribute to something pretty darn special. I could write a list for days of all the things he does that make me feel like sunshine on a rainy day but the one that tops it is our bedtime routine, cuddles and I love you's. I don't even have to say it first anymore, so even on my bad days where I feel like a total failure, I hear those three little words from my special little person and I know I'm doing something right. Here is a few photo's that I've taken with my canon the last week since finally getting off my tush and formatting my card, for those people who have asked me in the past what lens I use its a 50mm and I eventually plan on getting a different lens as this one is really only the best for portraits. Although I'm not a camera expert so don't quote me on that information, its just what I've found personally.

staying home mum

Stay at home mums, I’m one of them. Around the clock work, early starts and no lunch breaks.

I can admit that being a mum is more tiring than when I worked full time as a hairdresser on my feet all day! At least when I worked fulltime I knew what time I started, I knew what time I finished, I had set lunch breaks, I knew that everything had a structure and a routine.

Unfortunately sometimes I feel guilty and society makes me feel guilty for not going back to work yet, as if I’m not hard working and not putting enough effort into my life. This makes me extremely mad that not only is that completely untrue but I think neither should be guilted.

I think personally it’s great that mums are going back to work, I absolutely commend that because it’s a scary daunting experience heading back to work after having a said amount of time on maternity leave. It’s hard leaving your babies and kids to go back into an adult environment.

In saying that why isn’t it also awesome that others have the opportunity to not go back to work as yet and get to stay home with their babies and kids? I mean I think I work hard? My day starts at 6/6:30am, I have to sit down and watch cars the movie on repeat (that’s torture in itself!!!). Make breakfast that gets picked at for about an hour only to have to make more food that again will probably get picked at and end up on the floor. Having a shower that now gets shared by a 2 year old who insists on telling you the waters too hot so therefore a cold shower usually happens. Chasing my toddler around the house to get dressed and ending up in the fifth disagreement for the day thus far. I take Xavier to school (not day-care) 2/3 days a week in which I have to sit there and watch him paint, play and make mess while I’m nearly falling asleep and its only 11am. Lunchtime comes and so does more mess, I’ve vacuumed the floor by this time at least 3 times already, having to put Xavier on the toilet at least 2 times every hour and be told every day that ‘he’s done a number two’ and acting like it’s the holy grail that I know have to clean someone’s bottom. Have to fight off sleep by 3 and make sure Xavier doesn’t also fall asleep while I’m cleaning the house and hanging washing on the clothes line or bedtime gets strung on to 8 or 9pm. Its 5pm, cars the movie is being played for the 100^th time for the day and dinner is again picked at, just as most of the food during the day has been. Bath time comes and I get to sit down for 5 minutes while getting splashed by water. Bedtime arrives and I’m having a party because I can finally cook dinner in peace and without cars the movie in background.

My day is full on and the only time I really sit down without getting up every 5 minutes is if I’m watching kids’ cartoons on the couch and sharing carrot sticks. As I said previously working mums are doing a great job by going back to work and in no way am I saying otherwise but we need to stop this stigma that stay at home mums don’t work as hard because that its utter bullsh!t and yes I used the b word that’s how mad it makes me! 

I’m VERY lucky that I get to spend every day with my little moppyhead gremlin and I certainly don’t take that for granted.

Losing Flynn

It's been a year today since I was eagerly waiting for my 20 week ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby that was growing in my belly. Flicking through magazines and shuffling my legs because my bladder was so full and they were running a whole hour late, for some reason I had felt a sick sensation in my belly and I'm not talking morning sickness, it felt like today just wasn't going to go well. Maybe I was just nervous to find out if Flynn was a girl or boy but it almost felt like I knew something wasn't right, call it mothers intuition maybe.

I hear them finally call my name and I do my little penguin shuffle to the room and lay down on the bed, ultrasound went well everything looked normal as far as my eye could see and I feel some what relieved thinking I had overreacted until the tech said he couldn't find any kidneys or bladder and the amniotic fluid wasn't as full as it should have been. My heart broke and I knew right then that the 20 weeks of morning sickness and nervousness I had meant something after all, not just a overprotective mother worrying about her unborn child. 

I waited in the room while the tech went to speak to a doctor and they then took me to the maternity unit and had to wait by myself for the doctor to come and speak to me. A million things were going through my mind but I was hoping they were going to tell me it was just a mistake or that there was something I could do to save my baby. 
Forty minutes later the doctor came with a nurse and told me to give a family member a call because they had bad news that they didn't want to tell me alone without support. I left the hospital crying and had the worst anxiety I had ever had, I came back with a good friend in tow to hear the bad news.

After an MRI and another ultrasound I found out to be what they had suspected. My baby had no kidneys and no bladder, this condition is called Bilateral Renal Agenesis.
Bilateral Renal Agenesis is a condition that effects 1 in 3,000 births.
It is nothing genetic and unfortunately just a cruel twist of fate.

I had the choice of continuing my pregnancy knowing my baby wouldn't survive, that I would have questions about my pregnancy and I knew deep down it would be cruel on myself and the baby to continue our journey together knowing I couldn't keep him when the time came. A week later I was admitted into hospital to have my baby, 2 days of labour and my baby was finally here and I was finally able to find out that in fact I was carrying and growing a baby boy.

August 1st 2014, I named him Flynn Edward and he was the most petite little baby I had ever seen. It was a tough few days in hospital and a tough few weeks once I was home. Organizing a funeral with the help of my mum, I had overwhelming amounts of flowers and cards and avoided the nursery downstairs until I was ready. Not only did I lose a baby but also a relationship in the same month, so with the support of my family they helped me pack up the nursery I had set up that I was avoiding. I cried and cried, slept and cried again for the baby I had lost and the baby brother Xavier never got to bond with.

The hardest part about knowing I'd lost my baby is that my friends were all pregnant too and welcoming there beautiful healthy babies and knowing I would do anything to avoid seeing my friends who had little newbies so I didn't have to talk about losing mine. 

12 months later and my life is completely different then what it was in 2014. I moved into a place of my own, I met the love of my life who I can't imagine not being by my side now and Xavier gained a step brother/ friend. Things have a way of changing to the way your life is supposed to be, to be with the people your supposed to be with and to lead the life you were meant to be living.
I miss my Flynn everyday, occasionally I wonder why he had to be taken away from me, why I didn't get to keep him. All the things I've missed with his first year of life, Xavier having a sibling to play,share and grow with. I cant pretend that this week and the 1st of August wont haunt me every year, that I wont cry for my baby that I didn't get a chance to keep. But I know life has a purpose for me, that the day I do have another baby that it's the right time for me to blossom again as a mother. My heart aches for Flynn and I'm sure it will this time every year but I know I'm not alone in this and I have so much support and love from my family, friends and others who have been through the same heart ache.


http://www.bearsofhope.org.au/