Raising a little boy

It's been a crazy 3 1/2 years with this little guy in my life. I always wanted a little girl and just couldn't imagine ever being a mum to a little boy. In fact the whole thought of having a boy terrified me! I have 3 brothers and a sister so I knew what I was in for (sorta) if I was to in fact have a boy. Suddenly I was in actual fact having a boy and I had 18 weeks to get myself ready for that. I read all the baby books, went through long lists of boys names and found myself sadly putting down the pink cutesy dress and swapping them for blue overalls. 38 weeks arrived and out popped a little boy and all the daunting feelings I had about having a boy went away because he was the cutest thing I'd ever laid eyes on. My bond was instant and then I couldn't imagine what life would be like if he was actually a she. As the years have gone by (mighty quickly I'll add!!) I've gotten used to buying cars and not being phased by the word 'doodle'. No amount of reading could possibly sum up what it's like to raise a little boy, just as I'm sure it would be for a girl as well. I can't imagine buying dresses and headbands or even trading in blue for some pink. The only thing I can think of to sum up what it's like to have a boy is get ready to never ever be grossed out when your little boy is sitting on the couch with his hands down his pants having a grab of his boy parts and then consuming food afterwards. Now I'm 20 weeks pregnant, no clue as to what the gender of this baby is going to be. But if it pops out with a doodle we're ready to raise a family of boys and I'm ready to be fully outnumbered in our household. If it's a girl... that's a whole new ball game of things to learn. Either way I still have to push this baby out and fml if it's a labour like Xavier's!

We're having a baby!

That's right! The secret is out! There's going to be another little one in our lives in 2017.

We found out our wonderful news when I was just 3 weeks pregnant and I can't believe how fast the time has already gone. I'm now nearly 16 weeks pregnant and happy to say all the ultrasounds we have had have always been positive and indicate we have a really healthy baby growing in my belly. 

The first trimester for me was filled with lots of different emotions; happiness, excited, nervous, anxious. The negative emotions I was having were only coming from a place of fear, fear of something happening to our little baby and fear of bad news. Every single cramp I had I got worried, when I got food poisoning at 7 weeks I was worried and just in general I was worried that something bad could happen. Thankfully our 12 week ultrasound was very detailed and everything was checked to make sure our baby had everything they needed to survive outside the womb when the arrival came. I will also continue to have lots and lots of growth scans during my pregnancy and so far have had 5 already. This time around my morning sickness has actually only really been in the morning (unlike Xav which was morning and night, basically all day!). The only time it was really intense was about 5-7 weeks and other than that it was really only if I didn't eat straight away. By week 10 I could go a couple of hours without eating before starting to feel unwell. The only thing I will fault this time around is the hormone headaches that I still currently get and am hoping they subside also. I went through a 'I hate carrots' stage again and hated the smell of meat, I've been craving smiths original crinkle cut potato chips (salt for days!) and green juices. My pants no longer fit and I'm now rocking maternity jeans (care of my beautiful partner for buying them for me) which btw are absolutely amazing and I don't know how I didn't have them when I was pregnant with Xavier. Nearly 16 weeks down and roughly about 22-24 weeks to go until we meet this little angel and find out whether our boys will be joined by another brother or a little sister. We all can't wait for this little surprise!  

Xavier turned 3.. 5 months ago!

I have taken a huge break from blogging of late because we've just had so much going on in our lives this year. I started school again because I decided to pursue a different career path and that alone has taken up majority of time. School, work, Xavier starting daycare this year and I rejoined the gym so I just crash and burn when I get home. But I realized I hadn't shared any of Xavier's 3rd birthday on my blog and that happened in April (laziest person ever) so tonight I'm jumping back on it so to speak.

Xavier went through a stage of being completely obsessed with Mickey mouse clubhouse and anything really Mickey mouse related (thanks mum!). So we themed his party around that which is hilarious now because he couldn't give two hoots about Mickey mouse nowadays and I can't say I'm complaining about the lack of 'hot diggity dog' playing in my household either.  I'm one of those mum's that plans there child's party months in advance and think I'm going really good with it all until the actual day then when I'm cooking and setting things up I have a flippin meltdown that would send anyone running from me! 

I say every year after the party that I'll never flippin do that again and yet I still do.... every year (so far anyway). But I see how much Xavier loves having a party with all his friends and family around and it makes all the money I spent on over priced party decorations worth it or I just tell myself that to make me feel like a good mum. Here's some photo's of Xav's birthday and birthday party that he probably won't remember when he's older anyways but still look cute. 

Thankful

I'm currently sitting on the couch waiting for Xavier to be dropped home and squeezing in all the grey's anatomy I can fit in before I'm having to watch cartoons again.

I will admit I still find it hard to share Xavier, I don't have him all the time so a day or two a week I get a few 'child free' days that most other parents don't have. Whilst this seems lovely to have a few hours to myself it can usually also feel like a burden. If I've done all the housework or caught up on all my study then I sit down and realize how quiet the house is; this can sometimes feel overwhelmingly lonely because I'm so used to having little voices around me asking for my help.

But I also think about how fantastic it is that Xavier has such a big family now. It's no longer just two sides of family anymore it's now four and that doesn't even count the friends we have. He has so many people to help him grow into the best person he could possibly be and that takes away from the fact that at times; I miss him. They say it takes a village to raise a child and I never fully understood that concept until I was in the situation myself. It was hard watching another female around my son that I didn't know anything about but once I got used to the idea I knew Xavier had made a new friend and she could be there for Xavier at the times I couldn't be. William (my partner) brought a friend and step- brother for Xavier into this family and I LOVE watching them play and learn from one another. So whilst I'm sitting here excitedly waiting for Xavier's return; I also know how lucky I am to have so many people who help out with Xavier. Thank-you to everyone that has helped me this week so that I could get to work placement, to school, to an event and so that Will and I could have dinner outside of the house. Thank-you also to everyone that has also offered their help along the way. I know I wouldn't have pictured to have split families for my children when I was mapping out how I'd like my future but I wouldn't want my life any different now because I am happy and so is Xavier. Xavier's happiness and stability will always be my priority.

Fighting Endo with diet

I'm a serious researcher when it comes to something I'm really passionate about or something I feel I could improve on in my life. Endometriosis is one of these categories alongside; how do I get my toddler to inhale his puffer and how to disguise veggies in healthy meals.
I've been doing some serious reading over the last few weeks on ways to improve my pain symptoms with my endo before my operation that should be happening within the next couple of months (wooohooo for me!!!). About 90% of people I have read about have used a 'diet' method, which has nothing to do with losing weight. Most women have said that once they changed their health and lifestyle their PMS and endo symptoms halved!! Yes really, that's the absolute dream!!

As I read about how CRAZY this diet was, it seemed overwhelming and I basically was scared at the thought of cutting out so many foods I enjoyed. The 'run down' of this diet is basically;

- No dairy
- No caffeine
- No gluten
- No red meat
- Avoid chicken
- No alcohol
- No artificial or refined sugars

SAY WHAAAT! I love my sugar, I love my carbs and I love my caffeine.
Am I really embarking on a impossible task? Am I really giving up things I REALLY enjoy?
Answer plain and simple. Sorta yes... I'm going about 90% vegan aside from small cheat meals. Here's a little dish from today; Tandoori Cous Cous salad with Rocket and Chickpeas.

Here's why I'm going to endeavour on this crazy mission.
The results really (they say) speak for themselves. A lot of these women have said they hardly even feel a thing around PMS time. Surely this is joke you say? I hope not! But nevertheless I'm going to try (try being the operative word here) to make this change slowly and accompany it with hot yoga and light walking which I have already started. I may be crazy BUT crazy is what crazy does (I have kids surely I've hit crazy already?) and I'll let you know if I start pulling my hair out or succeed and feel like a million dollars! Let me know if you have endometriosis and have also gone on the vegan style diet. Did it help or did you notice a difference?

Threenager came early

What's the best form of contraception? A three old...

Just joking!! But seriously nobody ever warns you that your offspring can one day turn into little devil children.

I thought two years old was supposed to be the bad one? Noooo it really does get so much worse, give me a newbie anyday of the week because these 3 year old's are hard work!

I can give you a few examples that have happened of late-

1) One time Xavier tricked me into thinking he was doing number one on the sand at the beach, I was wrong it was a number two and I had to scoop it up in a doggy bag trying not to dry reach. Also while praying nobody saw what had just happened.

2) Xavier drops f-bombs in sentences nowadays (I'm not proud of this or encourage this btw). The other day he told my mum's puppy 'to get the f**k outside'. It was hard not to laugh because I was crying from laughter and trying not to look at him while telling him that words like that aren't very nice.

3) He hates when you laugh at him at his expense, I mean I don't blame him really I don't like that either but how do you not laugh when he tells me that there's a little ball in there while grabbing his private parts?

4) He is SO damn demanding; to the point of it being excessive and annoying (more than usual!) He cried out my name for 40 minutes the other day. That's commitment but not really sure that's the kind I enjoy on a daily basis. If there ever was a time that I needed wine it was this very day.

5) He seriously won't eat cooked carrot but he'll eat it raw?!?! 

Threenager's  MAY look cute and act evil but they're also kinda genius.

Why wouldn't you tantrum for something until parents give in and then give puppy eyes with a little 'I love you so much'. Xavier may be turning 3 in 3 days time but I think the title 'Threenager' came a long time before that.

My experience with open heart surgery

Growing up I was always the smallest in all my classes at school, Out of all my friends I was always the one who looked five times younger than everyone else. I always thought this was normal; that I would just shoot up during puberty and be and be as tall as everyone else.
High school came and I still wasn't progressing like I should have been but we all just put it down to late puberty.

At the age of 13 I was told I had a heart murmur and I should go in for testing just to make sure it was nothing we had to worry about. Several tests later; including ECGS, Ecos, Blood tests, Bone age x-rays and a small electric shock test that they called the 'sweat test'. My parents and I were told I had a hole in my heart which required an ASD repair (Atrial Septal Defect).

There a four chambers in the heart; two with solid walls and two with little 'door like openings' that are in the centre. An ASD is basically a hole in the solid wall which meant my heart was working extra hard to keep me alive which therefore deprived me of being able to grow as well as everyone else was.

I was sent over to the Children's Hospital in Melbourne and at the stage was told it would only be keyhole surgery which meant less recovery time (and way less scary!!!). We got there only to be told the hole I had was alot bigger than they had originally thought. I was than swapped to Open Heart Surgery and my dad got flown over so that both my parents could be there.

My chest was cranked open and everything was fixed. My scars healed up well after having a minor infection from the big band aid they had to put over the 10cm cut and after a few days I had the two stitches under the scar taken out. We flew home and I was out from school for a few weeks before finally getting back into my normal life again.

I fought really hard through the next 3/4 years after my operation with my scar; I hated it, I felt embarrassed and just wanted to cover it all the time because I was going through puberty; having a big scar that was bright pink was REALLY not cool. Eventually I got over the embarrassment and have totally embraced it. I've decided not to show pictures of my scar just because it's on my chest and between my breasts which I don't really feel is appropraite to share.

I'm truly so thankful that my heart murmur was looked into because I can now have a long happy healthy life instead of a short lived life I may or may not have had. I'm thankful it wasn't a genetic thing that I could pass onto my children either! The reason I decided to share this is because if you ever think that something isn't right with yourself or your children ALWAYS get it looked into.

Dealing with endometriosis

*****Possible trigger warning for those affected by this disease*** Endometriosis; it effects an estimated of 1 in 10 women. I am just one of these women. This disease has affected me since I was 16 years old and thankfully I got diagnosed at an earlier age than most. Not only did it affect my school life, work life and social life but also my personal life. 

I was 16 years old, 6 months into having my monthly war with my body I noticed that the pain was getting worse and worse each month it came. I felt nauseous, sore and just really down in the dumps. 18(ish) months on and I finally went to the doctor and they finally recognised the pain I was in every month. A couple of ultrasounds later they diagnosed me with endometriosis, my treatment consisted of, monitoring of the cysts I currently had, nurofen, ponstan, heat packs and rest for that week I was ill.

After awhile I honestly felt like I wasn’t being taken seriously and was finally referred onto a specialist to do a laparoscopy operation. After months of being on a waiting list I FINALLY got into my specialist and 6 months later I found out I was going to have a baby, much to my specialist surprise. This then put everything on hold and my symptoms went away for the 9 months of pregnancy. About 3 weeks after Xavier was born I got the dreaded monthly war back again and basically it was hell from there. I was back seeing specialist again and now currently on the waiting list AGAIN for the lap operation. Currently I’m taking a combination of nurofen, ponstan, tramadol, tranexamic acid, endep and the highest estrogen pill they can get me on as my treatment until I go under for my laparoscopy, hysteroscopy and d&c (yep all 3 surgeries in the one go whoohoo!). It’s a monthly struggle and the only time I really feel any relief currently from the pain is the 3/4 days I have before I’m fertile. Luckily enough I have plenty of support from my partner who lets me complain about how much pain I’m in (I’ll honestly give him a lot of credit for listening to me ramble on about it!). He heats up my heat packs, gets me my pain meds and offers to help out with the kids when I’m in pain so I can lay down and rest. The only thing that can really get you through these crappy times is having supportive people around you.

I live in a constant worry of what this disease is doing to my organs and most of all my reproductive organs which at my young age of 23 I shouldn’t have to even worry about. I always have that worry that in the back of my mind that I won’t be able to have more children, which is really upsetting as I want nothing more than to give two little boys a sibling and to have a baby with the person I consider my soul half. I can’t wait for the day I no longer have to complain about pain and no longer have to worry about having the opportunity to hold another little tiny bundle of joy in my arms that’s half me and half William. But for now I’ll get through this sh!t time, focus on the good things I have going in my life and keep positive thoughts about one day having the chance to feel baby kicks again. 

I urge everyone who feels unsure or uncertain about the period pain to get it checked and don’t give up on having the proper diagnosis!!!

The basic ‘run down’ of this disease is, endometrium tissue (basically the lining of the inside of the uterus) is found outside the uterus. This causes inflammatory which then leads to scar tissue that causes damage or cysts that can either be removed by a laparoscopy operation/s or some have more long term damage which result in the need to take reproductive organs out (hysterectomy) . 

https://youtu.be/MEh0egZJf58  (video link to 'endo & us' video which I personally really urge female's to watch.)

The scar tissue or cysts cause immense amount of pain (I’m talking childbirth like or sometimes I could say it’s worse than popping out a newbie) in your pelvic area where your uterus and ovaries sit. The pelvic pain then leads to lower back pain which basically makes it hard to do any physical task.

There are a lot of symptoms to this disease and it occurs differently to everyone. Some notice or have severe pain as a teenager/young adult and some may not experience any pain until they’ve finished having kids. This disease affects women in so many different ways. Many go undiagnosed as there is a lack of information and research on why this happens and how it happens.

Thankfully there is more and more research and diagnoses happening each year and slowly it is becoming more of an apparent disease rather than a ‘normal period type pain’ which I myself got for 2 years before finally being taken serious after much whining about how I was struggling to get to work for that week once a month, each month. 

 Im really passionate about this disease becoming more aware to women!

There are a lot of events going on for endometriosis awareness month which is the month of March. Please visit http://www.endometriosisaustralia.org/for more information on these events and more information on this disease.

10 things to live by when you're a toddler..

10 things to live by when you’re a toddler…

 1)    Make sure you always make things more difficult for your parents, kick up a fuss about your shirt, the way they’re tying up your shoelaces or the food they’ve put in front of you to eat. 

2)   While we’re on the subject of eating, NEVER eat anything more than 2 days in a row, make your parents think you love a certain type of food, eat it fast! Make sure you even finish the whole plate then tell them you don’t like it anymore and refuse to never ever eat it again.

 3)   Don’t act like you are a well behaved child, make sure you say no to everything and don’t be afraid to chuck yourself on the floor in the supermarket or even try asking for a toy car over and over until you get the car because trust me you’ll get the car with enough crying involved.

 4)    Hold your bladder until the most inconvenient time, then half way through grocery shopping tell your parents you need to go to the toilet, make it a sudden request that needs attending to immediately. Your parents MUST drop everything, once you’ve arrived in the toilet pretend to go because you didn’t really need to wee at all you just got sick of grocery shopping. Any excuse is a good excuse when your two years old.

 5)   If your asked to do something make sure you repeat what you were asked in a sarcastic voice until they laugh, they’ll soon forget what they were asking you because now your being funny. 

6)   Always choose your own clothing and if you aren’t allowed to wear gumboots in the bath make sure they know your upset about it with another tantrum, after about 10 minutes they wear down and you get away with it and if you don’t then make sure your next tantrum is worse than the last one. 

7) Nothing like a public place to shout out that you need to use your bowels, that mummy has a big bottom, do a big burp or even for giggles put your hands down your pants and shout out im touching my doodle. It’s a real crowd pleaser! Except for my parents because they’re the fun police.

 8)  So you love a certain tv show or movie? How about you watch that bad boy over and over, demand that you have to watch it and if the answer is no you know what to do, that’s right! Another tantrum! 

9)  If your parents need a break and put you down for a nap NEVER sleep more than an hour, if they seem in a rush to go somewhere that’s when you nap hard 2-3 hours should do the trick! 

10)  So your parents are ignoring you, they’ve had enough of the tantrums and they’ve stop listening to you. This is when you yell out very loud, why are you not talking to me?!? What are your ears for?!? This is the best way to get a reaction so they know your still here, still having a solid tantrum.