Noah hit the 3 month old milestone a week or two back and I can whole heartily say how sad I feel that my youngest is already growing so fast. I'm not sure if it's felt faster due to looking after his big brother too or just that I'm soaking in all the time I have whilst he is still so little. Because he has big brothers and a cousin to watch all the time he has done things SO much faster than Xavier did. He smiled at 6 weeks (not just wind smiles), slept through the night from about 2-3 weeks old (sorry for the sleep deprived zombie mums who are reading this and wanting to punch me in the face; I'd want to punch me to because I've been a zombie mum before too!!).
He rolled from tummy to back around 7 weeks old, starting chatting from 6 weeks and has now started to giggle at 12-13 weeks old. He is a little ray of sunshine and I can't imagine life before having him around all of us. This isn't to say we haven't had our hard times with him though, he used (key point here) sleep heaps during the day as well as night. Now that he is more alert that has changed to 2-3 stints of 30-45 minutes 'naps' which isn't fun at all because I can hardly get anything done! He has been cluster feeding for about 2 weeks now. Which has been hard on both Xav and myself as Xavy gets stuck waiting around for my full attention. But thankfully enough he is really understanding and pretty patient (not always he is only 4 years old haha!!).
I started him self settling from about 2-3 weeks old in his bassinet so he settles really well to sleep as I made the mistake of not doing that with Xavier until about 5 months old. Some people beg to differ on this subject whether it's a good thing to do but I really believe it helps them become more confident. I never let him cry it out as that's a method I don't personally like for my children. Once you learn the difference between all the cry's a baby can do it makes self settling alot easier. I still get my cuddle time whilst I'm feeding him so I don't feel like I'm missing out on that precious time at all. I've been exclusively breastfeeding Noah now for 3 1/2 months and I'm really hoping to make it to 12 months of feeding. We have overcome alot of hurdles on our feeding journey so far so for that I am already proud as punch.
I honestly thought it would be easier the second time around with a new baby but I now realize it doesn't matter how many babies you have, they will all be different and test you in different ways. Parenting never gets easier, you will always doubt yourself and your own abilities as a parent. You'll always feel guilty over something you do or something you don't. I found the first week of having Noah the hardest on me because I was away from Xavier so much in that week. I cried alot, told myself I was a bad mother because I couldn't be with both of children due to Noah being in NICU and felt worried that it could be like this forever. I look back on that time as not a special time but I really horrible moment in my life because at that point I truly felt like it was one of the lowest parts of my life. As I felt so guilty that I wasn't spending the whole day with Xavier for his birthday and really didn't enjoy being out of control of a situation.
Once we were home and settled into our normal routine I felt much calmer, much more in control and finally felt less anxiety. Unfortunately I was still getting anxiety and feeling a sense of loss in my own environment, at the time I had no idea why I felt like this. Why was I feeling like this? I asked myself that daily until I just put it down to post par tum depression. I talked to my health nurse about it and she said it definitely wasn't post par tum depression but a condition called DMER. I had never ever heard about this and did some research. Reading all this information made me feel some what comforted like I wasn't a bad mother for being nervous, anxious and worried to feed my baby. DMER is a condition in which certain hormones that allow a 'let down' of milk to come can cause certain emotions to arise. Some pretty mild and some very high hormones, these are subdivided into 3 different categories; Mild, moderate and severe. I was put in the moderate range so I didn't need to be medicated for the condition I've just had to learn to deal with it better with certain strategies.
The strategies I've mainly used to help have been; getting organized, a clean and clutter free space, having a drink or snack at arms reach and either watching netflix or using my phone to keep myself busy. These strategies have helped alot but mainly it's time that helps this condition. I have found that it has gotten better as Noah has gotten older but I still do get these sudden anxiety and sick to my stomach feelings. They do say this condition is rare but the more research I've done the more it has shown how many breastfeeding mothers have it and don't realize they do which then leads to alot of mothers giving up on breastfeeding simply because they can not cope with the emotions they are having with breastfeeding. If I had gotten this as a first time mum I probably would have given up also because at the end of the day a happy mother makes a happy baby whether that be breast or bottle. I wanted to breastfeed Noah so I have persisted through it all and I'm thankful I have been able to continue feeding him.
Despite the negatives the positives have far outweighed all the down moments I've had. I've loved watching Xavier become a big brother, watching how caring and helpful he is makes me proud to be his mum. I've loved being a mum of two and I know how lucky I am every single day that I've been given these beautiful boys to raise as gentlemen and help them flourish into whatever and wherever life takes them.
