October 15th. This day to most would mean nothing, just another day. For some this day now signifies a huge event or time in their lives. I am in fact one of those few people, why you ask am I one?
3 years ago I lost a baby boy who we named Flynn Edward. I have a post about why etc. on my blog. He is in fact my second born child and I am a mum to 3 boys (biologically).
3 years ago I lost a baby boy who we named Flynn Edward. I have a post about why etc. on my blog. He is in fact my second born child and I am a mum to 3 boys (biologically).
Thanks to an amazing lady Maria Bond I have a day to share with other parents who have experienced the loss of a child. This day is called 'pregnancy and infant loss rememberance day' in Tasmania.
A day I can cry, talk and mourn with other parents who have experienced the same crippling emotions I too have experienced.
On this day I remember all the raw emotions I felt and still do feel now. It is hard to explain the emotions, all I can do is share some of the moments I do remember. Sorry in advance if this effects you or if you don't want to read anything remotely negative. I completely understand!
I remember crying so much whilst I sat on the cold bathroom floor right next to the toilet trying to stop vomitting.
I remember putting on a front whilst Xavier was awake so he couldn't see my pain I was feeling.
I remember labouring for hours on end in the most traumatic pain i'd experienced because these kind of labours aren't your normal type ones.
I remember touching his cold fragile skin in his crib.
I remember the strange feeling I felt leaving my baby in the hospital.
I remember organising his funeral and looking at tiny coffins wondering why this cruel thing had happened to me.
I remember thinking how beautiful the flowers people had bought for us were on my bench but also wanted to put them in the bin because they reminded me of why I was numb.
I remember packing up the nursery I had started to put together.
I remember having to tell people over facebook why I was no longer having a gender reveal.
I remember my breasts leaking and being in pain knowing I could only express enough to take away the pressure.
I remember my hair falling out for months and the reminder it gave me that I did lose my baby.
I remember my first social outting after losing him.
I remember looking down at my new stretch marks and knowing I had a constant reminder that I carried this little boy for so many months.
These are just some of the negative emotions I felt and I truely wish I could say that you deal with it fine. You don't you just learn to deal with it better, one baby step at a time. But on a positive note I am so amazed that Maria has worked so hard to get this day recognised for all of us in Tasmania. Maria continues every year to support families with this difficult time. Thankyou SO much Maria. You truely inspire me.
I remember putting on a front whilst Xavier was awake so he couldn't see my pain I was feeling.
I remember labouring for hours on end in the most traumatic pain i'd experienced because these kind of labours aren't your normal type ones.
I remember touching his cold fragile skin in his crib.
I remember the strange feeling I felt leaving my baby in the hospital.
I remember organising his funeral and looking at tiny coffins wondering why this cruel thing had happened to me.
I remember thinking how beautiful the flowers people had bought for us were on my bench but also wanted to put them in the bin because they reminded me of why I was numb.
I remember packing up the nursery I had started to put together.
I remember having to tell people over facebook why I was no longer having a gender reveal.
I remember my breasts leaking and being in pain knowing I could only express enough to take away the pressure.
I remember my hair falling out for months and the reminder it gave me that I did lose my baby.
I remember my first social outting after losing him.
I remember looking down at my new stretch marks and knowing I had a constant reminder that I carried this little boy for so many months.
These are just some of the negative emotions I felt and I truely wish I could say that you deal with it fine. You don't you just learn to deal with it better, one baby step at a time. But on a positive note I am so amazed that Maria has worked so hard to get this day recognised for all of us in Tasmania. Maria continues every year to support families with this difficult time. Thankyou SO much Maria. You truely inspire me.
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